i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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