His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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