yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
did i walk over a car last night?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
