CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
