i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
