if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
