Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
