I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
