With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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