I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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