it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
