i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
