I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
