also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
