I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
