i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
