What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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