gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
