We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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