i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
