i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
