somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
