I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
