Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
