Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just cropdusted the office
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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