I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Welp...herpes.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
