So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
