I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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