i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
