oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
