Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
