i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
