he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
