my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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