im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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