careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
