Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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