Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
