do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
