then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
