Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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