ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
