Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
