If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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