Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
