how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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