ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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