smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
