I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
