you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
