the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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