He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
