we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
