i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
