I'm so fucking centered right now
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i've created a new STD.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
