People with herpes should wear stickers.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
